Regular listeners know that since his multi-bypass heart
surgery,
Roy has announced many times that he "doesn't have long" or
"won't be around much longer."

Like all of you, we ponder daily,
"Who will take Roy's place?"

Our investigative reporters have learned that in anticipation of
such an earth
shaking event, Roy has himself made arrangements for that
eventuality.

20 years ago, in a secretive test tube baby laboratory behind the
Matsukaze Japanese restaurant in Grants Pass, Oregon, Roy
has created
his successor, Mini-Roy, who will carry on all the activities of
the regular Roy.

To guarantee the correct political indoctrination, fertilized Roy
sperm was allowed
to incubate in a 22-year old Anne Coulter where nine months
later, Mini-Roy was born,
complete with British accent. He has been sequestered this
whole time on the
Masters' ranch in Selma where he works as a minimum wage
laborer.